Connecting the dots through service

Toshi Countryman-Bey founded My Sister’s Keeper United

by Sarah Barr

Staff Writer

Submitted Photos

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

–Harper Lee, “To Kill a Mockingbird”

Life is a puzzle. Sometimes pieces just don’t fit. You can’t force pieces to interlock, no matter how hard you try.

Even if you press or bang them together there’s always something awkward in how they look. You know it’s just not right. People often spend a long time in search of that missing or connecting piece.

This can be is especially true for at-risk women and young women.

Blankets are collected annually as part of the Tied with Love event. They benefit youth in shelters.

Toshi Countryman-Bey helps people piece together life’s puzzles. She’s the founder of My Sister’s Keeper United, LLC, a minority and women owned nonprofit organization that works to empower young people with life skills through mentoring and workshops.

One such effort is The Missing Link Initiative. This safe space helps women regain stability in their lives and navigate towards independent success through self-care, financial literacy and family bonding.

“It’s a series of workshops and events designed to cultivate relationship building and lessening barriers,” Countryman-Bey said.

A member of the Newington Rotary Club, she founded the organization in 2017 and developed this initiative in 2021.

Toshi Countryman-Bey is a member of the Newington Rotary Club and hopes her outreach connects with more local youth.

The certified domestic violence counselor, licensed human trafficking prevention counselor and ministry leader also has decades of community organizing experience. She utilizes her skills to assist survivors of human trafficking, sexual assault, or broken homes.

Countryman-Bey walks the walk and talks the talk.

“I grew up in a tough neighborhood. The disconnect starts with the family relationship and friendships,” she said.

“I grew up in Hartford. My family was low income. My parents were not together. I lived a life with violence inside and outside the home. I felt isolated. I had a feeling of I didn’t belong because I didn’t connect to what I saw day to day,” she recalled.

“I grew up at the height of the gang violence. I’d look out my window ad saw my brothers running home trying not to get shot. Needles in the playground type of thing.”

But she knew there had to be something better. Countryman-Bey said a lot of the children she grew up with either imitated what they saw or withdrew from it.

“I was one who said I don’t want to do this. I had a lot of educational opportunities and I still felt like I didn’t belong because I couldn’t communicate with others because my experiences were so different,” she said.

“For me, I was a person who sought out trying to make those connections or being inquisitive enough to inquire what it was like to be something else. I did a lot of volunteering. Other kids didn’t have the same drive to seek it out. I almost didn’t believe it existed.”

The Missing Link initiative finds that missing puzzle piece for today’s youngsters who are often impacted by isolation.

She uses her deeply personal experiences to impact the next generation by working with school social workers and partnering with other nonprofits. But her link is unique because, to her, a lot of programs and results are driven by things that can be done so young people can get jobs. Yet young people still seem so disconnected.

It’s all about dialogue.

“Building healthy relationships. Asking what does a friendship look like? These themes are woven through common tasks like preparing dinner,” she said.

“I missed family dinners as a youth. I didn’t have it. That dialogue helps to build trust. We do things casually to pick up the skills. And we accomplish this together, talk through serious information in a more informal setting to receive it better.”

She shared information about this initiative that serves Greater Hartford at a recent Newington Rotary Club meeting; she has been a member for six years. Countryman-Bey said suburban children are not immune to trauma and police statistics show Newington is a hotbed for sex trafficking along its busy Berlin Turnpike.

Systemic family issues were made worse by the pandemic. COVID-19 caused isolation and disconnection, just as dangerous as drugs and gangs in her mind.

“Everybody was shut off from each other. It was tough for kids in high school, like my daughter. They didn’t talk to one another. Everything is done on their phones,” she said.

“I wanted to put into the world what I felt was missing from our youth,” she said of her passion to provide a foundation of communication and accountability through positive lifestyle choices.

It all happens through custom-tailored programs that include normal and everyday activities such as scrapbooking, painting, family game night, a mocktail hour and cooking. It’s all about establishing boundaries and knowing your own worth.

Countryman-Bey hopes to grow the program through grant dollars and individual donations. She’s building relationships at places like Newington Rotary where the members are always willing to roll up their sleeves and pitch in.

“It’s a very engaged group. Everyone there has different passions but we’re very supportive of each other. We create things together,” she said. “It’s a great place to share ideas, pitch in and get something done. If there are kids or families in need, they help out.”

She said that the need is greater and the survivors are increasingly younger.

Past President David Williams said that Countryman-Bey can be counted on to step up and volunteer, no matter who is in need.

“Four times a year, she’s the head chef in the soup kitchen,” said Williams, a 25-year member. “Rotary is always looking to do service. NL

For more information log onto mysisunited.com or newingtonrotary.org.